Mystery's LifeBlog

A quick recapitulation on my daily cultivation progress:-

On Thu, after class, I managed to chant 21 times of 大悲咒 before I sleep… …

On Fri, apart from my usual meditation, only managed to chant 7 times of 大悲咒 and 10 x 108 times of OMPMH.

On Sat, without fail, managed to meditate and chant 21 times of 大悲咒 and 10 times of OMPMH.

On Sun, Mon and today, managed to meditate and chant 21 times of 大悲咒 and 10 times of OMPMH on each day.

I will be away for time being… Guess I need a break… During this period, I will still continue with my usual daily SOP, meditation and chanting which I will not give up…

May everyone be happy everyday…

On Tuesday night, apart from my usual meditation, I managed to chant 50 x 108 times of OMPMH. However, I actually forgotten to chant 大悲咒… … No wonder, I felt that something was missing… Urghhh… How can I forget? It could be due to the sleeping pills I took. Ultimately, I did not manage to complete because I was really very tired and drowsy.

On Wednesday night, as usual, I did my meditation and chanting. I chanted 14 times of 大悲咒. Finally, I managed to complete my last 48 x 108 times of OMPMH on Shifu’s birthday {though my deadline supposed to be due 2 weeks ago}. Heehee… :) 

Last night, I slept without taking sleeping pills. I actually woke up at abt 2+am and unable to get back to sleep. I was sneezing and blowing my nose ; and my mind was so occupied… … Urghhh… Sians Sians Sians… :(

This morning, I chanted 10 x 108 times of OMPMH before I left for work. Hmm… this time round, I do not feel the kind of ’stress’ when I chant… I chant in a very relaxing mood… … Really nice…

Tonight, I will be attending class. After class, I will still try to chant my 大悲咒 and if possible, will continue to chant OMPMH before I sleep. I just hope that I will be able to get to sleep soundly.

I am still feeling kind of blue, down and moody. There are endless issues and problems. Haiz, how I wish that I can be free from ‘everything’. On Thur night, Shifu raised a question – “What is the purpose of us existing in this world?” Honestly, my replies are : “If I am given a choice, I do not want to come into this world at all. I feel that I am suffering and going through alot of hurdles. It is more than I can shoulder and bear.”

Shifu also mentioned about 五毒 – 贪、嗔、痴、慢、疑。These five attributes are ‘obstructions’ of cultivation. Regret to say, I have to confess that out of the 5, I actually possess 4. I have failed totally. Gosh! I find myself  ‘very ugly’… The more I know about buddhism, the ‘uglier’ I find myself… … Urghhh…

Haiz… out of the 4, 痴 is the toughest and most difficult to eradicate because it involves the word 情字. 贪 is the second toughest because money can really do wonders. As for 嗔 and 慢, ever since I started cultivation, I have been quite mindful with my behaviour and actions especially in terms of my temper, speech and ego. Of course there is still room for great improvement which I will continue to work hard.

A quick recapitulation on my progress:

On Wed, I manage to meditate and chant 7 times of 大悲咒 & 10 x 108 times of OMPMH.

On Thur, initially, I wanted to skip class because I was still unable to complete my chanting. Between chanting and 动功, I guessed priority to chant comes first because I failed to meet my deadline again and again which was stressing me out. However, after much persuasion from my sister, I did attend class. In the night, only managed to chant 7 times of 大悲咒 & 15 x 108 times of OMPMH.

On Fri, hmm… it was an unhappy and gloomy day for me. I went home straight after I knocked off from work. I managed to meditate and chant 21 times of 大悲咒 & 15 x 108 times of OMPMH. During my meditation, my heart was feeling heavy and my tears just welled up. I was unable to fight back the tears. Tears just flowed rolled down my cheeks without stopping… …

On Sat, I went to Batam with my whole family – “a getaway trip”. Though it was a short one but it was nice, enjoyable and relaxing. I did not meditate but managed to chant 7 times of 大悲咒 and 20 x 108 times of OMPMH.

On Sun, I reached home in the late afternoon. As usual, I took my shower and continued with my meditation and chanting. During my meditation, again, tears welled up and flowed down my cheeks without stopping… … I managed to chant 7 times of 大悲咒 and 25 x 108 times of OMPMH.

Yesterday, after reading Wer Wer’s and Ah Ling’s blog (updates on Sun’s class activities), I actually tried calling out 南摩观世音菩萨 until I can feel some kind of pressure and throbbing at my crown, 3rd eye chakra and heart. Then I continue with my chanting. I managed to chant 7 times of 大悲咒 and 40 x 108 times of OMPMH. During my meditation, my heart was feeling heavy. However, I did not tear. But my mind was still very active with alot of issues and problems bothering me.

Haiz… when? when? when? When can I really be free from all these torment?

Tonight, I will try my very best to complete my chanting. Hopefully, I can achieve it without fail.

I am down with a flu, cough and headache… … Feeling kind of ’grey’ today… I could not sleep well for nights… Guess my mind is too occupied with alot of issues etc…

Yesterday, I went home straight after I knocked off. In the morning, I could not wake up on time to meditate and chant. In the night, I  managed to meditate and chant 7 times of 大悲咒 and 10 x 108 times of OMPMH. That was about 9+pm, I felt asleep because I felt so drowsy.

This morning, I overslept again. I only managed to drag myself out of bed at about 7am… …

Well, I am going home early today too because I am not feeling well. Shall continue with my meditation and chanting…

Sians sians sians… … Gloomy gloomy gloomy… … Tired tired tired… … Stress stress stress… … 

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME??? What am I supposed to do in order to release the frustration and stress in me?

I am feeling kind of gloomy, moody and blue. For the whole of last week, I was already feeling vexed, frustrated and moody. After I came back from my business trip, I felt worse. I was feeling very unwell and very very exhausted. I really really feel so emotionally drained. I am so sick and tired of everything. 

Since Jan 09′ till now, there have been alot of drastic changes in my work and personal life. Guess I am still in the midst of adapting to such changes. I must admit that I am still unable to manage my emotions and time well. I do not know why, somehow and somewhere, my life routines have been kind of ‘out’.

1 of the reasons could be that my travelling has been cut down tremendously. In the past, I used to travel at least once in a month. Therefore, I have the chance to get out of SIN every month. Even when I am not on business trip, I would still go for long holidays (at least 6-9 days) or ‘excursions’ (short trips for about 4-5days) to take a break.

Honestly, at work, I am quite busy. I have quite a few reports, proposals and issues to follow up. But basically, I have no motivation and morale to do it. Every morning, I have to ‘drag’ myself out of bed and ‘drag’ myself to office. For the past 2 weeks, I have not been able to wake up early to meditate and chant too… …

Apart from my work and cultivation which have not been smooth sailing, other affairs and activities of mine have not been smooth too… … Haiz… Everything seems to be so stressful!!! So much of obstacles here and there!!!

I know very well that I cannot continue to be so depressed without any enthusiasm in life. I must really find a way out to help myself and make appropriate adjustments to all these changes. Perhaps, should I really get out of SIN and take a break? However, come to think about it, is this genuinely taking a break or running from reality and refusing to face the actual problems and issues?

EEEEEEeeeeee…… Urghhhhhh……

Anyway, just a quick update on my progress:-

- On Friday, I failed to meditate… … I only managed to chant 7 times of 大悲咒and 10 x 108 times of OMPMH.

- On Saturday, I failed to meditate again… … I only managed to chant 14 times of 大悲咒and 10 x 108 times of OMPMH.

- On Sunday morning, finally, I managed to spare some time to meditate and chant 21 times of 大悲咒and 10 x 108 times of OMPMH.

I have to confess that the whole of last week, I had to ‘drag’ myself to meditate and chant. Every session seemed to take so long to complete. I even dozed off when I was in the midst of chanting. Gosh!!! Terrible of me!!!

All this while, I have no problems to complete to chant 21 times of 大悲咒. Times passes so fast. But now, it seems so difficult for me to do it now. Apart from 大悲咒, I am still struggling to hit my 50,000 times of OMPMH target.  Haiz… sians… demoralizing… When can I ever complete??????

I have another confession to make. I have not been doing 烟供 and 放生 for a long time… … because I cannot find the time to do it… … … … My heart feels so uneasy and uncomfortable. My mind is also not at ease too.

Nevertheless, I would really need to adjust and manage my emotions and time well. I must adapt to the changes and get everything back to routine asap. Importantly, I have to stay positive and optimistic. But saying is always easier than to be done. Can I actually do it? Can I actually make it? Can I actually achieve it?

Over here, I wish and hope that everyone out there will have a beautiful week ahead…

I am back from my business trip. Gosh! Yangon is a 鸟不生蛋的地方. The place is like Singapore BUT 50 years AGO lor… In conclusion, I am really fortunate to be borned in Singapore.

On Tuesday night, I did not meditate and chant 大悲咒. I only managed to chant 10 times of OMPMH.

On Wednesday and Thursday nights, I managed to meditate and chant 21 times of 大悲咒 & 10 times of OMPMH.

This morning, I did not manage to chant because I overslept… … Tonight, I will be back home late. Hope that I will have the perseverance and vitality to chant.

P.S.: My sister, Fanni has finally created her blog – http://fanglow.wordpress.com…